


Rings of Winter

by leftennant



Category: Captain America (Movies), Deadpool (2016), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies), Wintershock - Fandom
Genre: A little angst but not too much, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Huddling For Warmth, M/M, Modern Steggy, Multi, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Romance, Slow Burn, Smut, Snowed In, Soulmate Rings, Werewolf Biology, Werewolf!Peggy, canon elements in an AU environment, werewolf!Bucky
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-02
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-08-28 15:57:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8452552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leftennant/pseuds/leftennant
Summary: On the morning of her thirteenth birthday, Darcy Lewis received a gift card to her local bookstore, the dress she’d been coveting for months from the vintage shop in town, and a nondescript piece of jewelry that would determine the course of her entire life: her soulmate ring.  Then she spent the next thirteen years waiting for it to do something.





	1. Soulmate Zero to Soulmate...Hero?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Guys! My initial plan was for this to be a Halloween fic (hence the werewolf idea), but then Anniemar asked me to do Nanowrimo with her, and I have zero ability to say to no to Annie, so my new plan is to write the entire thing during the month of November.
> 
> I know. Stop laughing. I'm gonna make my best attempt anyway. 
> 
> Now, the first thing I need to do is give credit to the incredibly talented [Whoinwhoville](http://whoinwhoville.tumblr.com/). She graciously allowed me to use the soulmate ring idea from [this post](http://whoinwhoville.tumblr.com/post/152401122302/coolthingoftheday-created-by-a-company-called) on tumblr. Thank you so much, lady!!!! If you are a DW fan, and you haven't read her stuff, GET ON IT! She's awesome, and you can find links to her fic on her tumblr page. :)
> 
> The second thing I need to do is give lots of hugs and kisses to amidtheflowers, who is a superstar enabler. She also beta'd this chapter, and supported the crap out of me when I was coming up with this crazy idea. I was all, "Heeeeey, what about werewolf!bucky?" And she was like "YAAAAAASSSS!" Then I was like, "okay but...also SOULMATE," and she made a lot of encouraging screeching sounds. So, yeah. This is 45% her fault, and I love her for it.
> 
> UPDATE 6/13/17: Due to personal stuff, I'm taking a break from writing for a while. Sadly, I've got to put this fic on hiatus at the moment. Sorry about that. It's not what I want, but it's what I need to do right now. -Lefty
> 
> **************************************************************************

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Darcy rewards twenty-six years of disappointment with not getting a hairless cat.

On the morning of her thirteenth birthday, Darcy Lewis received a gift card to her local bookstore, the dress she’d been coveting for months from the vintage shop in town, and a nondescript piece of jewelry that would determine the course of her entire life. It was a ring. A ring that she eyed dubiously before slipping it onto her finger, and waiting for something magical to happen.

Nothing happened. She took it off, and put it on again. Still nothing. Meanwhile, her parents beamed expectantly at her from across the kitchen table. Darcy glared down at the little circle of metal and advanced technology, willing it to do something, but the ring stubbornly refused to activate. Finally, she looked up at both her parents, and shook her head.

“Single forever,” she said to them a shrug. “At least I’ll have books and an awesome dress.”

Her mother was the first one to react, getting up out of her seat and crossing over to where Darcy sat so she could wrap an arm around her shoulders. “You know that’s not true. There are plenty of people who don’t feel their soulmate’s heartbeat the first time they put the ring on.”

“Different states have different laws about when people are allowed to have the ring, Kiddo. And not all countries have approved the practice. Maybe your soulmate just hasn’t gotten theirs yet. Give it time. I’m sure that thing will start beating right on schedule, and when it does? Well, your mom and I will be the two happiest people on earth.”

“Other than you and your soulmate, of course,” her mother added.

“No, I know.” Darcy smothered her disappointment beneath a smile. This wasn’t her parents’ fault, and there was no point in taking it out on them. “It’s fine. I’ll just keep it on, and wait for it to do its thing.”

It was a long wait. In fact, as the years rolled by without so much as a flicker of life in her ring, Darcy began to suspect she’d been right the first time when she told her parents she was going to be forever alone. She considered just giving in and getting the reclusive old cat lady starter pack, except she was allergic to cats. Maybe a hairless? Did people hoard hairless cats? She googled them, saw the price per cat, and decided that maybe she would hoard ridiculous hats instead...or possibly teacups. 

Anyway, it wasn’t like she didn’t have fun. She got out. She dated. She even had a few long-term relationships with other defective ring wearers. One of the relationships was getting pretty serious when her boyfriend dropped his slice of pizza in the middle of watching a movie on the couch, and stared at his hand in disbelief.

“Shit,” he said. “My ring is beating.”

And thus ended the relationship. Darcy ate the rest of the pizza. Whatever. He’d have plenty of pizza with his soulmate. Unless they were lactose intolerant. She secretly hoped they were.

Another year passed with zero action from her ring. Darcy took an internship with Jane Foster. She met a god from outer space, and a few of his space-viking buddies. Still the ring lay dormant. School finished, she came into a massive inheritance courtesy of a relative she’d only met twice, and traveled the world seeking spiritual enlightenment, new foods to try, and a significant other who would ignore the whole faulty soulmate situation.

In the end, she ate a lot of great food, spiritual enlightenment fell by the wayside, and she hooked up with a few really cool people, but nothing stuck. So Darcy came home to the large Park Avenue townhouse which she’d also inherited, and decided to look into buying a hairless cat again.

She was on the phone with a breeder of said cats, when her call waiting started beeping, and a picture of Jane Foster appeared on the screen. Darcy ignored it. Moments later, Jane popped up again. Darcy, who was discussing the costs to ship a cat from Lichtenstein via airplane, ignored it again. The third time Jane interrupted her cat phone call, she decided maybe it was important, told the cat breeder she’d have to call back, and switched over to the waiting line.

“Yo. Is your hair on fire? Because I'm only taking this call if your hair is either already blazing, or in imminent danger of bursting into flames.” 

“DARCY! You finally picked up.”

“Jane! Yes I did. Why are you calling me three times in thirty seconds? You do know I’m not your intern anymore, right? Like, please tell me you noticed I haven’t been there for four years.”

Loud clanking sounds, and several shrieks preceded Jane’s shouted answer. “What? Oh, yes. I know you aren’t my intern. See, the thing is, I might…” Clang, clang, thud! “I might have a...um…” Something that sounded like an entire wall of aluminum cans crashing to the ground happened, drowning the astrophysicist out for a moment, and then she said, “...a problem.”

“It sounds like it. How big?”

“Very. And my intern quit on me, well, all four quit, actually, so…”

“I’m sorry. Give me a minute to process this. You chased off four interns? _HOW_?”

“I didn’t chase them off,” Jane said defensively. “They just left.”

Darcy leaned against her kitchen counter. “Uhuh. What malfunctioning piece of equipment attacked them?”

“I really resent you implying-” the other woman began.

“Which one?”

There was a few seconds of, well not exactly silence overall, since the disturbing background sounds hadn’t let up for a second, but silence from Jane, and then she said, “the magnetic astro-cartogrographalizer.”

Darcy blinked. “The magnetic carto _what_ alizer? Jesus, Jane. Did you name it that yourself? On purpose? Wait. Wait, wait, wait. That actually sounds familiar in a really scary sort of way. Jane, please tell me we aren’t talking about Arachnobot.”

There was a long pause from Jane, which pretty much told Darcy all she needed to know. Arachnobot was Darcy’s least favorite of all Jane’s more questionable equipment. True to its name, it was a blinky, rattle-y, creepy thing on the spindly legs, that could actually _move_ independently if it got the notion. It was supposed to triangulate shifting space anomalies, and track them through the sky or whatever, but malfunctioned more than it worked. The first time they’d fired it up in New Mexico, it had zeroed in on Darcy, and chased her around the tables in the lab until she ended up perched on top of a filing cabinet while it threatened her with it's waving, metal antennae appendages. Jane had to throw a blanket over it, and wrestle it to the ground, just to shut it off.

Suffice to say, Darcy really didn’t like Arachnobot, and no amount of Jane calling it by another name was going to change that. 

“Jane?” she prodded. 

Jane sighed. “Yes. It’s Arachnobot.”

“How did your interns get off the filing cabinets?”

Another sigh sounded in Darcy’s ear. “It was the lab tables, and I had to call security. Which is the problem. They damaged the equipment, and now it's really malfunctioning."

"And you called me about this because....?"

"I'm all on my own here, and I desperately need some help from someone who has experience with the way I work.”

“You mean someone who shoves sustenance in your face three times a day, makes coffee the way you like, doesn’t call for men in white coats when you spend five hours mumbling to yourself about dark matter, and won’t bail on you when things explode, right?”

“...yes.”

“Okay. Give me half an hour. I’ve got to call a lady and cancel a naked cat.”

“Cancel a what???” 

“Nothing. Half an hour. Sit tight, eat something, and try not to burn the lab down until I get there.”

So that was that. Darcy put her future as a hairless cat hoarder on hold, got her coat, and left for the address Jane had texted to her after they hung up. When the cab pulled up outside Avenger Tower, she shook her head. 

“Of course you’d be working here,” she muttered to herself. “Because _Thor_. I should have known.”

“Did you say something, Ma’am?” the cab driver asked.

“Yes I did, but I promise you, I'm sparing five hours of your life that you'll never get back by not getting into it,” she responded, forking over the money for the ride, plus tip. “Anyway, here. Have a nice day.”

The building was absurd in the way only something built by Tony Stark could be. A towering monument to his ego...or his penis...or whatever part of him he was venerating with shit-tons of steel and concrete. Darcy was still pondering which it might be when she crossed through the doors into the lobby. She was barely into the elevator when all pondering came to a screeching halt in the wake of something far more important.

Her soulmate ring, which until that moment had been the ultimate joke of her life, suddenly started beating.


	2. Queen Peggy is not Amused

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our couple makes a hash of everything despite Peggy Carter's best efforts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yoooo! Hi guys!!!! So. I took a small break from writing and tumblr the past couple weeks. I needed to regroup, and recharge, and just sort of chill. This turned out to be a super-good thing, because my muse had been unreliable since September, and now it's back in full force. I finished this chapter, and have the one for Rule Number One up right now, and basically, everything is copacetic again. 
> 
> I'd like to thank amidtheflowers for her beta work on this chapter. She's a trooper. Also, I feel really bad for her, because yesterday she was all, "Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeefty, I want something to read. Update a fic." And I was all, "Yeah sure, but you are gonna beta then." Seriously. I do this to her all the time, and she said I wouldn't tell you that I do this to her all the time, so of course I'm gonna tell you. I TOLD YOU I WOULD TELL THEM, FLOWERS. DIDN'T I SAY I WOULD TELL THEM? HA! That's what you get for saying I won't do a thing. I'm totally problematic like that. Anyway, yes. Amidtheflowers beta'd because she is a magical unicorn princess, and then of course I added stuff after she beta'd. (Because I'm a rebellious trainwreck, and I have no sense of self-preservation.) That means any mistakes you find are my fault, and not hers. <3 <3 <3
> 
> *********************************************************************

Meanwhile, several floors away from where Darcy was still staring at her ring in absolute astonishment, Bucky Barnes had been having a goddamn bad morning. It hadn’t started out bad. He’d woken up in a bed and not a cryo chamber. That was always good. Nobody was trying to imprison or kill him. Also good. In fact, prison had been off the table for a while. His official pardon had been acquired several months earlier, along with an amount of back pay from the army that would have made his head spin seventy-five years earlier. Hell, it was a decent amount of money even in modern times. 

Bucky had nothing to spend it on. His apartment was free, courtesy of his position on the Avengers. The paycheck he got from being on the team more than covered his groceries and other necessities, and it wasn’t like he was doing a lot of going out. Staying in suited him better. There were no crowds in his living room, and aside from his fellow Avengers and their soulmates, the common areas were pretty quiet as well. He deposited the army back pay check in an overseas bank account Natasha set up for him, and there it sat...accruing interest or whatever money did in overseas bank accounts.

So, he wasn’t currently wanted or being hunted. His morning should have been smooth sailing. Smooth sailing, however, went to shit the moment Steve Rogers showed up at his door carrying several large boxes of takeout breakfast from the diner down the street, and a single smaller box that contained something Bucky didn’t want any part of.

“No,” he said, shaking his head at the circular piece of tech that was sitting inside the box. “I’m not doing it, Stevie.”

“No one says you have to put it on right now, but someday you might. Don’t you want to know if there’s someone out there for you?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Bucky.”

“Look. I get it. You’ve got a good thing going with Peg, and I respect that, but this…” He gestured at the ring. “This isn’t for me.”

Steve sat back in his chair, arms folded across his chest. “Fine. Finding your soulmate isn’t for you, but what about them? Have you thought of that? There’s probably someone out there with a dead ring, just waiting for it to start beating.”

“They’re better off if I never put that thing on, and they find someone else.”

Bucky stabbed a thick piece of pancake with his fork, shoving it into his mouth with air of finality. He just wanted the damn conversation to end, and for Steve to take the ring back to wherever he’d gotten it. Probably Stark, since the box had the Stark Industries logo on it. It was a useless wish. Steve had always been bullheaded as hell when he got an idea in his head, and this time was apparently no different than any other.

“Fine. Don’t put it on. I’ll just leave it here in case you change your mind,” he said.

“I won’t.”

“You might.”

“Yeah, and hell might freeze over. Pigs might fly. I might stop being a monster. Until then, that thing isn’t going on my finger.” 

Bucky flicked at the box with his fingers. He’d only meant to push the it away from his plate to emphasize his point, but it overturned with the force of his push. The ring bounced out, skittering across the table and onto the floor. 

Steve watched silently as it rolled to stop against the baseboard of the kitchen wall, a frown thick on his face. “You know,” he said quietly, turning his gaze back to Bucky, “you ought to watch using that word. Especially around me, and definitely around Peg.”

Shame hit Bucky like a ton of bricks. He could almost hear the sickening crunch as it landed in his brain. Peggy was his fault. His mistake. His worst memory out of a thousand half-remembered worst memories. She was no monster, but what Steve wouldn’t accept, was that she was all the proof Bucky needed of being one himself. 

He reached across the table, palm up in placation. “Steve… I didn’t mean… I’m sorry. You know I don’t think of Peggy that way. I would never say that about her.”

“There’s no difference between you saying it about yourself, and you saying it about her,” Steve responded sharply. 

Bucky knew his friend was dead wrong but he also recognized the dogged set of Steve’s jaw better than anyone. There was no arguing with him when he looked like that. “If you say so.”

“I do say so. I'm also gonna say that you’re missing the point here, Buck, and I think you’re doing it on purpose.”

“Oh yeah? Enlighten me, then. What’s the point?”

“The point is that there’s nothing I don’t love about Peg. That’s how this works. Your soulmate is going to feel the same way about you.”

“Nobody is going to feel that way about me,” he replied bitterly. “Those are just facts, Steve. I’m nothing like Peggy. No one deserves to be saddled with what I am, and the things I’ve done. The sooner you get that through your thick skull, the better.”

Steve sat for a few more seconds, just looking at him. Then he pushed his chair away from the table, threw his napkin down, and stood up. “I don’t know what else to say, Buck. We’re just going to have to agree to disagree on this one. I’ll see you down in the gym. Practice is scheduled for three o’clock. Show up late, and you’ll be running laps with Maximoff.”

He left, disapproving lines still deep set between his eyes. As soon as the door clicked shut, Bucky dropped his face into his hands and groaned. 

Steve couldn’t have been more wrong. A soulmate was the very last thing Bucky needed in his life, and he was the last thing any sane person would want in theirs. Maybe seventy years ago, when he was still young, and optimistic, and not half of something less than human. But now? No. Just like he told Steve, nobody deserved to be saddled with him. 

He’d never found the girl back in the thirties, not the forties either. That had to mean something, right? Maybe he didn’t have one. It was the rare exception, but it happened. Besides, even if she _did_ exist, she was probably long dead by now...or in her nineties. There was no way he’d end up attached to someone younger. As far as he knew, no evidence existed for an age discrepancy that large. 

He didn’t want to ruin what was left of some poor old soul’s life by showing up at their bedside and announcing their soulmate was a murderer and an animal. Well, maybe he could leave the animal part out. Being a murderer was plenty. He could only imagine what telling them he was a werewolf into the bargain would do. Nothing good. That’s what. It was something nobody needed to hear.

Truthfully, Bucky had hoped he’d escaped the whole soulmate thing. 

A couple years had passed since he’d been considered rehabilitated. The splintered Avengers had slowly begun to heal. Time brought new conflicts, this time from the outside, and everyone had to come together for the good of all. Bucky had saved Pepper’s life. It went a long way towards resolving the conflict between him and Stark, although things weren’t perfect. But the shaky alliance was there, giving him a safe place to live, people he could count on in a fight, and a reforged friendship with Steve. Bucky figured that was more than enough. Romantic relationships weren’t even on his radar.

It was kind of ironic considering how badly he’d wanted to find his soulmate back when he and Steve were kids. All he did was look for her, although in those days, finding your soulmate wasn’t as easy as putting on a ring. You had to actually visit the local matchmaker, or go to one of the free clinics set up around the city to get your pulse, or heart-rate checked professionally. You’d sit there, nervous as hell, both of you smiling weakly and maybe laughing a little, as your pulses were simultaneously measured. If they synced, and stayed synced, it was a match. Although, most people said having the match checked was secondary to actually meeting your soulmate. According to Steve, you just got a feeling, and the test was merely confirmation of what you already knew.

Nowadays, they had rings, bracelets, even these ridiculous heart-shaped necklaces that Bucky had seen people wearing around out on the street. Not only did those things light up to show if you and your potential soulmate had synced up heartbeats, they also played a _song_. Bucky hated that song. Hated that song, and hated the people wearing the necklaces, and hated the whole soulmate industry in general. At least the ring was subtle. It vibrated when you got close to your match so you knew to watch for the sync. No flashing lights, no stupid song, just a quiet buzz of vibration.

He should probably pick the damn thing up. Knowing Steve, he’d come back to have a second final word, and finding the ring still sitting on the floor would only give him more fuel for the fire. Bucky pushed away from the table, chair scraping loudly against the hardwood, and crossed the room to retrieve the ring. Picking it up turned out to be a major mistake. 

Had he been thinking straight, he never would have used his right hand to do it. He wasn't thinking straight, though. The moment his fingers made contact with the small band of metal, it began to buzz. He promptly dropped it again, jaw hanging slack as he stared at the now silent ring. Swallowing heavily, Bucky reached for it again. This time with his left hand. He held it in his palm for several very long seconds. Then he did something that later he couldn’t believe he’d done. He slipped the tip of one finger through the band. It began vibrating immediately, the sound growing louder to his ears the longer it was in contact with his skin.

Bucky stumbled back to the table, and dropped into one of the seats, still gaping in disbelief at the ring sitting just above the first knuckle of his index finger. He had a soulmate. He had…

Christ. She was _nearby_ , too. It was incredible how bad his luck was. Somewhere in the tower was an unsuspecting elderly woman wearing a ring that was going off just like his was. He hoped her heart was strong enough for the shock. Especially since his just might not be.

He was still sitting stock-still at the table, eyes fixed on the ring, when there was a smart rap on the door. Bucky ignored it. It happened a second time, and he was still ignoring it, when he heard Peggy Carter’s crisp British accent coming from the other side.

“James Buchanan Barnes, I am not here for my health, nor am I brooking any further delays with you answering the door. Furthermore, I have left my breakfast unattended for this little jaunt, and am fully aware that you are inside. I will give you to the count of three before I have Friday override your security protocols. One...”

Fuck him, Steve had sent in reinforcements. Bucky dragged himself away from the table before her threat to involve Friday became reality, and got the door. What he saw on the other side left him speechless. 

It was Peggy, but with her was a girl. Not just any girl either, but the kind of girl that would have caught Bucky’s attention in the worst way when he was younger. Long dark hair, bright red lips, curves in all the places that should be curvy, and blue eyes that looked like they’d be mischievous if they weren’t so wide with shock. Something inside him that had been long dead for many years suddenly woke up with vengeance. Clearly younger him was still in there somewhere, because he couldn't take his eyes off of her.

She was gorgeous, magnetic. Bucky was struck with a strong urge to pull her through the door into his apartment, and shut it behind them so he could ask her every single question about her that was currently bubbling up to the tip of his tongue. The first one was if she’d mind staying in his apartment with him for the rest of their natural lives. The second might have been her name, but he wasn't sure. It was all kind of a blur.

Then the rational part of his brain began to stir, and he wondered if maybe he’d hit his head on the way to answering the door. He didn’t remember it, but as far as explanations for his temporary insanity went, Bucky was willing to entertain the idea. Meanwhile, time crawled by as his tongue remained glued to the roof of his mouth, and the unknown girl appeared equally stunned silent.

Next to the her, Peggy sighed in exasperation, and then began speaking. “Good morning, James. I met my new friend here in the elevator looking as gobsmacked as you do right now." She paused as if waiting for Bucky to respond. He didn't. Peggy cleared her throat, and tried again with exaggerated patience. "We followed her ring to your flat." She looked at him expectantly. Bucky vaguely wondered why. It seemed unimportant when compared to how much he wanted her to leave him alone with the girl in the hallway. Finally Peggy said, "James, I can see we're having a bit of a disconnect here, but if you are quite finished gawking at Miss Lewis like an absolute idiot, you may want to cast your attention to her hand.”

Her hand? What the hell? Bucky’s eyes honed in on the hand in question as the girl held it up for him to see, and everything fell into place. She was wearing a ring, and it was buzzing away, just like his. Their gaze met over the tops of her fingertips, and he could see her throat flutter as she swallowed.

“Hi,” she said. Her voice was throaty with a little rasp around the edges. Bucky immediately liked it.

He should have said something back to her, but he couldn’t seem to get his mouth in gear. Besides, he had no idea what to say that wouldn’t make the situation worse than it was. Although he really wasn’t sure if it _could_ get worse than opening his door to find the combined forces of Peggy Carter and a surprise soulmate standing there. Not in his estimation anyway.

“Oh, for the love of...” Peggy gestured between them impatiently. “James Barnes, this is Darcy Lewis. Darcy Lewis, James Barnes. There. That wasn't so hard, was it? Now, I’m certain you two have a great deal to discuss, and I have a bagel waiting for me unless Barton has eaten it, which would be rather unfortunate as I have had nothing since tea last evening.”

“I wouldn’t put it past him,” Bucky said, finally finding enough words to string together a sentence.

“Neither would I,” she agreed dryly. “And the sheer amount of paperwork I shall have to complete if I murder him boggles the mind, so if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to leave you to it. Darcy, it was lovely meeting you. Please let me know if you need anything else. I’m sure James can direct you towards my office. He’s been there often enough. Usually for disciplinary matters along with his childhood cohort.” 

“You’re married to my childhood cohort,” he replied, and Peggy rolled her eyes.

“Yes, well, one cannot help who one is matched with. Best of luck in that regard, Darcy. Although I suspect perhaps James will be the one requiring luck in this endeavor, not you. I have a feeling you will do just fine.” Bucky glared at her, and she added, “...Eventually.”

With a curt nod for him, and an encouraging smile in Darcy’s direction, Peggy turned on her heel and walked off down the hall to the bank of elevators. She clicked a small device in her hand as she drew closer, and the doors automatically opened, closing behind her the moment she stepped inside. And that was it. Bucky was left alone in the hallway facing his soulmate.

Like he said, the situation couldn’t have been worse.

“James,” she began tentatively.

“Bucky,” he corrected.

“Oh. I...sorry. Bucky? Bucky. Huh. I like it. So, Bucky, are you going to let me in?”

And there it was, the little mischievous flash he knew was hiding somewhere behind the nerves. It came along with a bright smile, and a curious tilt of her head. He wished they hadn’t showed up. It would make this so much harder.

“No,” he said.

She blinked. “What?” 

“No,” Bucky repeated.

“I...no? But…”

“Look, Doll, I don’t know what Peggy said about me, but I’m not a nice guy, or a good guy, or any kind of guy you want to get mixed up with. So, no. I’m not going to let you in. It's for your own good. Trust me.”

“She actually didn’t say either one of those things when she realized which door my ring led us to. I think her exact words were something along the lines of ‘oh good god, you poor thing, not _James_ ’. And then she said we’d just have to make the best of it. Which really didn’t inspire a lot of confidence, but what can you do? You know? It’s not like I have more than one soulmate. You’re kind of it, Mr. Not a Nice or Good Guy. And no offense, but you know shit all about what's good for me. You know shit all about _me_ in general. I'm trying to remedy that. So maybe pony up and let me in.”

Her arms were folded across her chest, and one eyebrow was starting to quirk up, and Bucky realized his soulmate had a stubborn streak that might rival Steve’s. It was the last thing he needed, despite the fact that his whole body was trying to tell him this girl was everything he needed. He tried to take a step away, and found himself taking a step closer. He tried to reach for the door to push it shut between them, and instead watched as the back of his knuckles rubbed over the soft curve of her cheek.

The moment Bucky made physical contact with her, both their ring's vibration features shut off. All he could feel from his was the faint pulses as their heartbeats found one another’s rhythm and synced. There was a moment of stillness where an electric charge of anticipation built in the air around them, and then Darcy leaned into his touch with a breathy sigh.

It was the sigh that got him. He couldn’t do this to her. Not this beautiful, young girl with her whole life ahead of her. She deserved better. Whatever his body was saying, his mind was firm on that. This girl deserved better than him.

So he pulled away, he stepped back, and he gently shut the door with her on the other side.


	3. Meddlers Gonna Meddle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Repairing Arachnobot is bad. Repairing Arachnobot upstate while being either ignored or glared at by Bucky? Yeah. Darcy would like a raincheck on all of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Hope everyone had an awesome December, and start to the new year. Here's an update! :D
> 
> Special thanks to the lovely amidtheflowers for being an all around cheerleader, friend, and beta-type person. <3
> 
> ******************************************

“Wait, he shut the door in your face? Really? Was it like a slam, or more of a quiet-but-final kind of thing?” Jane looked up from the pile of Arachnobot innards that were spread across her work station at Darcy who was pacing around in front of her.

“The second one.”

“Wow. Rude.”

“Right? I actually said that out loud when he did it. Or yelled it. Whichever.” 

“I see. How did he react?” Jane held her hand out, and Darcy slapped a flathead screwdriver into it. 

“He didn’t. He’s the king of not reacting, actually. Well, I mean, other than when he opened the door, freaked out, told me to get lost, and shut it in my face. That part was kind of react-y. Do you need me to smack that dent out with a hammer?”

“No…” Jane frowned. “Nevermind, yes.”

Darcy obligingly smacked while she talked. “So, anyway, now I’m in this weird holding pattern. He’s my soulmate, Jane. I can’t just walk away from that, but he’s also a complete asshole, which, okay, I should not be surprised by this. Why would I assume this soulmate thing would be easy for me? Nothing else has ever been easy for me. This just sort of fits in with my life in general.”

“Getting the internship with me was easy.”

“That’s only because no sane person wanted to go to West Bumblefuck, New Mexico to intern with a rocket scientist who had a reputation for believing in little green men. I was literally the only one who signed up.”

“It wasn’t little green men, it was…”

“I know. I know. Unstable space anomalies that made travel between dimensions possible.”

“Which I was right about,” Jane said. “Crap. I’m short a screw.”

“She finally admits it,” Darcy muttered under her breath.

“No, for real. I had six here, and now there's only five. Help me look?”

Darcy located the screw, it had rolled beneath one of the lab tables, and brought it back to Jane. They worked together in silence for a few minutes, and then Jane started talking again like she’d never stopped.

“So, what are you going to do about the whole unwilling soulmate thing?”

“Nothing. I wasn’t the one who shut a door in someone’s face, _he_ was. If Bucky wants to fix it, he can find me and fix it. Meanwhile, I’m going to do what I promised and stick around until you find someone else to help you.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” another voice chimed in, and both Darcy and Jane turned around to see Peggy Carter walking into the room. “Forgive me, I didn't mean to eavesdrop on your conversation. I had just come down to find out if Ms. Lewis will be accompanying us on the trip upstate next week.”

“What trip upstate?” Darcy asked suspiciously. “Jane? I thought this was just for a couple days until you got new interns. Is there a shortage on desperate college students at the moment?”

“Unfortunately, Dr. Foster has rather exhausted the current pool of interns,” Peggy answered. “We’ve begun searching abroad.”

Darcy turned to stare at Jane. “Did you know this when you called me?”

“Possibly,” Jane hedged.

“ _Possibly_? Oh my god, I’ve been had! I can’t believe it. Jane, I no longer need credits. I have a degree, and a life of my own. I’m getting a hairless cat!”

“Sergeant Barnes is also going upstate.”

Darcy stopped mid-tirade as Peggy’s words registered. She fought to sound disinterested and failed miserably. “Is he?”

“He is.” Peggy looked like the cat who had not only eaten the canary, but had also consumed its entire family including second cousins. “So shall I count that as a ‘yes’ from you, Ms. Lewis?”

“I don’t know.” Darcy folded her arms across her chest. “What’s upstate like?”

“Like it was built by a man with unlimited funds, and zero restraint or humility.”

“It has free wi-fi, _fast_ free wi-fi,” Jane added. “And gourmet coffee on tap at all times.”

Darcy sighed. “I hate you.”

“That’s a yes,” Jane said with a triumphant smile at Peggy.

Peggy nodded. “Right. I’ll see to it that quarters are prepared for you. Until next week, Ms. Lewis.”

She exited the room, and Darcy glared at Jane. “That was a shitty, shitty thing to do. You ambushed me, Jane! With Peggy Carter as backup! Who does that?" 

"Actually, I'm her backup. She's the Director of Shield. I'm just an astrophysicist who had no choice in the matter."

"Whatever, liar. I’m not speaking to you.”

“Of course you aren’t. Will you prop up this panel while I get the soldering gun?” Jane replied. “I think it’s in the cabinet over there.”

“It’s not,” Darcy said. “You always put the soldering gun somewhere weird. Last time it was with the spare h2 bulbs. Try that, or wherever you put the AFM.”

It turned out to be in a box full of extra spectrometer parts. Jane plugged it in, and slipped back onto the stool next to Darcy. 

“Why hairless cats?” she inquired, as she attempted to piece one of Arachnobot’s legs back together.

“I made a conscious decision to work the whole crazy cat lady angle,” Darcy told her. “You know, since my ring never activated, and I was going to be alone forever.”

She glanced down at the ring, feeling the steady _pulse pulse pulse_ of Bucky’s heartbeat which had remained synced with her own. It was oddly comforting. He might say he wasn’t interested, but his body was totally betraying him with every single beat of his heart. He also still had his ring on, which meant he could feel hers as well. Darcy was trying not to read too much into that. Shit was complicated. Shit would probably stay complicated. It was just how her life worked.

She looked up again to find Jane focused on her with a sympathetic expression. “He’s going to come around, Darce,” she said. “Consider what a shock it must have been for him. I mean, who waits a hundred years to find their soulmate? Plus, there are some things about him that… Well, let’s just say there are some things. Things you two will need to talk about.”

“What kinds of things?”

“I can’t say. They’re classified, and not only that, but they’re personal.”

“But you know about these things? Things about _my_ soulmate?”

“Darcy…”

“Is this the part where you tell me that it’s his story to tell, and that I should be patient?”

Jane pressed her lips together for a moment. “Yes.”

“Okay, now I’m really not talking to you.”

“Do what you want, but let me ask you this: would you want me to tell him personal things about you behind your back?”

“Ugh, no,” Darcy said grudgingly. “That’s not the same though. You and I have a friend-code. A _friend-code_ , Jane. Which you are in direct violation of, I might add. There will be fines. And...and jail time. And I am definitely not picking the walnuts off your fucking maple bacon donuts ever again. You’ll just have to put up with an uncomfortable mouth feel when you eat them. That’s on you.”

“Now you’re just being mean. Have you seen my pen?”

“It’s behind your ear.”

“Thanks.” Jane plucked it out of her hair and began using the point to poke something on the broken panel. “Just between you and me, Director Carter is seriously invested in you and Barnes. She has a literal battalion of personal assistants and pencil pushers she could have sent down here to find out if you were coming along upstate with us. The fact that she showed up here herself is pretty telling.”

“I wondered about that,” Darcy said. “Also, I can’t believe I met the real Peggy Carter. She looks damn fine for being in her nineties. I need to ask her what her secret is.”

Jane made a strangled sound. “Maybe don’t.”

“Let me guess, it’s classified?” Darcy rolled her eyes. “Who knew working for a top-secret government agency would require so much confidentiality. Are you hiding something from me too? Do you secretly have wings? Can you move things with your mind?”

“Darcy, if I could move things with my mind, I wouldn’t need interns.”

“I can’t believe that my life has been weird enough since we met that this entire conversation just seems normal to me.”

“Occupational hazard,” Jane replied. 

“Don’t remind me.” Darcy made a face. “So, what are we going to be doing upstate? Wait, let me guess. Classified science.”

“Yep.”

“Great. I’ll make sure to pack glass cyanide capsules along with my safety goggles.”

*****************************************

Upstate was bigger than Darcy expected. Bigger and flatter considering who built it. It was also in a location that was apparently classified along with everything else, because she had no idea where exactly she was when she and Jane stepped out of the van in front of the facility. Jane immediately started lifting out equipment, and lining it up in a luggage trolley-looking thing on the pavement. After a few more seconds of speculation on where they were, Darcy gave up and went to work helping Jane.

They’d just gotten everything secured when a second van pulled up behind theirs. Darcy paused, one hand still on the last piece of her luggage. She knew without even seeing him, that Bucky was in it. The beating in her ring increased, and her own heart rate tripped along with it, filling her with with a sense of anticipation that wasn't wholly hers. 

It had been a week since she’d seen him. A week of working with Jane, and knowing her soulmate was only a few floors away but continuing to avoid her. Darcy had no idea why kept his ring on. She couldn’t understand why he would want to have that kind of connection to her in light of their one and only conversation, a conversation that ended with him closing the door in her face. 

He did, though. He kept it on. She could feel their hearts beating in tandem all day, and it was the last thing her conscious mind focused on when she fell asleep at night. She wondered if it was the same for him, or if he was just ignoring it. Probably ignoring it just like he was ignoring her.

Except right now he couldn’t ignore her. He couldn’t avoid her either. If he wanted to get into the building, he was going to have to walk right past her. Darcy swallowed down her nerves, looking anywhere but at the vehicle parked behind theirs. She heard the door open, heard voices, the sound of footsteps on the concrete. People moved past her towards the entrance while she stubbornly refused to look up. 

Finally all she could hear was Jane rummaging in their van, muttering to herself about a missing box. Darcy let out the breath she’d been holding for nearly the past minute, and looked up. It was a mistake.

Bucky was standing there, not even ten feet away, staring at her with a desperation so intense she could practically taste it. The moment their eyes met he took a step towards her, and then stopped, expression going carefully blank. For a beat they just stood there, gazes locked, and then he turned on his heel and stalked off into the building. 

Oh goody. Now she got to be ignored by Bucky at even closer proximity. This was going to be so fun. She was so _happy_ that she’d decided to let Peggy Carter and Jane talk her into this instead of staying back at her place and ordering an army of naked cats. What a perfect, life-enriching decision that was.

"Are you okay?" Jane asked. Clearly she'd witnessed the whole interaction with Bucky. Darcy could hear the concern thick in her voice.

"Are you kidding? I'm stellar. Couldn't be better. Let's get this crap into the lab so I can find my quarters or whatever, and dance around privately celebrating my good luck."

"Darcy..."

"Jane? I'm good. Really. And even if I'm not, there's nothing I can do about it. Besides, I'll be so busy helping you reconstruct a psychotic, metal death-spider that I probably won't even notice he's here." 

She feigned a smile, and gave the trolley a small push.

Jane flashed her another concerned look, but let it go, and just grabbed the other side of the trolley. Darcy watched the doors grow larger as they rolled the equipment up the ramp. The uncomfortable pit in her stomach that had appeared the moment she saw Bucky was growing larger too. It was official. Upstate was going to suck.


	4. Sleepless and Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Darcy has her say, and stumbles onto a clue to what's holding Bucky back, in the dead of night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HA! I said there'd be an update this week, and despite all the current crazy going on in my life right now, I did it. Big thank you to amidtheflowers, who is the most incredible friend, cheerleader, and beta. Also a big thank you to everyone who propped me up this week when I was having a rough time. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still having a rough time, but the amount of support I got this week was invaluable. I needed it so badly. You guys are the best. <3 <3 <3
> 
> Now, onto chapter related things: we're still in angstville. We are gonna be in angstville for a bit longer. I'd apologize for that EXCEPT that I know where this is gonna go, and I promise all the angst/UST will be worth it when the RST payoff happens. Pinky swear guys. I don't do unhappy endings. (plus I mean, we all know this is gonna have the smuts, and that these two have to get their shit together in order for that to happen, so there's that) But yep. Things are angsty at the moment. So I guess just enjoy the angst? Hopefully. Hopefully you will all enjoy the angst. Yay angst! Okay. I'm done now. Go read the chapter. <3 -Lefty
> 
> *****************************************************************

Bucky felt like he was going out of his mind. It hadn’t been easy, but he’d managed to avoid Darcy when she was working several floors away with Jane Foster. He was aware of her all day through the ring, but the floors between them meant their paths never had to cross unless he left the floors assigned to the Avengers, and ventured downstairs. Despite the constant pull to be near her, Bucky had kept to his part of the tower, and she’d kept to hers. Now she was just down the hall, which made avoiding her all but impossible. 

He suspected Peggy had her hand in all of this, probably both her hands, if he knew her as well as he thought he did. It was infuriating, but there was nothing he could do about it. Going back to the city wasn’t an option. The whole reason they were upstate was because they were coming up on a full moon. He was going to start phasing soon, Peggy too. There were containment cells in Stark Towers for both of them in case of an emergency, but being locked up while phasing was a hell that Bucky knew all too well, and never wanted to experience again. 

Things were so bad at the moment, that he was beginning to consider it. Having his soulmate staying nearby… _sleeping_ nearby...was killing him. Just accidentally running into Darcy when they arrived had thrown him off for hours. He had been unprepared for the sight of her, and the moment they made eye contact, every part of him seemed to rise in revolt against his self-imposed distance from her. Now she was on his mind from the moment he woke up in the morning, until he went to bed at night. 

And night was even worse now that he’d started dreaming about her. 

Bucky tried not to think about the dreams in the daylight, but that was becoming quickly impossible as well. His nights were filled with images of her, of _them_ , completing their bond. Christ, the dreams were so real. They’d only grown stronger, more vivid, as the days between him and the full moon dwindled. 

He’d snap awake, half expecting her to be next to him, or under him, or on top of him as the case may be. The echoes of her touch still lingered on his body long as he lay there, panting and rigid with want. It was hours before they faded completely. That alone was enough to drive a guy crazy, but now he constantly ran the risk of running into the object of his dreams in real life.

Yeah, he was gonna lose his mind. The only thing that was keeping him grounded was the constant thrum of Darcy’s heart beating through the ring. He’d considered taking it off the day he turned her away at his door. Bucky knew it was a dangerous to leave it on. The sensation was a constant siren’s call, assaulting his willpower every hour of every day, but he couldn’t bear the idea of losing the only real connection to her he had. 

So he left it on. He left it on, and built walls around his crumbling resistance as quickly as they fell.

On the fourth night, Bucky had a dream so graphic, so real, that he woke rutting the mattress, arms wrapped around a girl who wasn’t there. Need for her burned through him, fierce and sharp. He ended up stumbling out of bed and into his shower, where even the cold water pouring over him couldn’t prevent the desperation with which he took himself in hand, finishing what the dream had started. 

Afterwards he was filled with shame. Darcy didn’t deserve what he was putting her through. She didn’t deserve him refusing to speak to her, and then fucking his hand to images of her in his head. She didn’t deserve to be tied to a wreck and a monster, and that was just what he was.

When he came out of the bathroom, body wrapped in a towel, it was to a suffocating, tight feeling in his chest. The very walls of his rooms felt like they were crowding in on him, floor pitching under his feet. Bucky knew part of it was due to his body reacting to the looming full moon. An urge to escape and run free invariably started days before he phased. Enclosed spaces began to feel claustrophobic as a rule, but this was different. He knew that if he had Darcy there with him the sense of climbing the walls would lessen, possibly disappear entirely. He’d _want_ to be holed up inside with her.

But she wasn’t there, and Bucky needed to get out, move, go somewhere where he could breathe. Going outside at night would risk early phasing. It wasn’t the worst possible outcome, but he’d rather not spend more nights in his wolf-form than necessary. So that meant finding somewhere indoors. His remaining options were the common room, the gym, or the lobby. 

The lobby was out. It was too close to being outside. If he went that far, he might walk straight out the doors, and once the moonlight touched his skin, all bets would be off. The gym was a crapshoot. Steve often ended up in there late at night. Sometimes Peggy too. The last thing Bucky wanted was to run into either of them. He was left with the common room.

It was a huge space. That part was comforting. And it would hardly be occupied by anyone else at such a late hour. Bucky threw clothes on, and made his way down there before he could change his mind. 

It was empty, just like he’d hoped. The large open area didn’t completely suppress the claustrophobic feeling crawling under his skin, but it did bring it down to something he could manage. He would be okay, at least for a little while. More okay if he found something to drink in one of the cabinets. 

A short rummage later turned up a glass, and a bottle of liquor that was probably left over from the last holiday party. Bucky filled the glass two-thirds full, recapped the bottle, and leaned against the counter as he tipped it into his mouth. While he drank, he let his eyes drift around the shadowy room. 

The only light coming in was from the bank of windows at the far side. It was more than enough for his enhanced eyesight to pick out even fine details, though. Details like the strands of fringe on the edge of the throw tossed over the couch, or the remains of a water ring left on the end table by someone who hadn’t used a coaster...or the expression of apprehension and surprise on the pale face of the girl standing in the doorway. Bucky froze, glass halfway to his lips, as her heartbeat tripped along at double-time through his ring. 

“I um...I didn’t mean… I didn’t know you were up, or here, or I wouldn’t have come.” Darcy was stumbling over her words, eyes wide, and voice nervous. “It’s just that I had this dream. I’ve been having them, actually, and I… No one is ever in here this late, so I thought I could just come here and sort of get it out of my system, and you know what? I’m gonna just shut up now, and go, because you are in here, and obviously you don’t want me in here. You’ve made it pretty clear that you don’t want me at all, so…yeah.”

She paused. He wasn’t sure if it was to take a breath, or if she was done talking, until she started backing out of the room. She’d barely gotten a step before he was moving to follow. Bucky checked his progress, but wasn’t able to check his mouth. He only said one word, but it was one word that halted her in her tracks. 

“Stay.”

If anything, Darcy looked even more tense. She was practically vibrating with it. “Why?” 

He had no idea how to answer her. Frankly, he had no idea what the answer _was_. His request was born out of the torn up emotions that he’d been trying to suppress for days. There was no rationale behind it. No words he could give her. Bucky literally had nothing, and his reply reflected that fact.

“I don’t know.”

She shifted back into the doorway, arms folded over her chest. “You don’t know?”

Her tone was flat, but her heart was still racing. More than anything he wanted to get up and go to her, comfort her, and consequences be damned. He took another step her way and stopped, standing there awash in frustration. 

“I can’t…” he muttered, and she nodded.

“Yeah, I noticed. You can’t look at me, you can’t talk to me, you can’t explain why other than to say the person the universe picked as my perfect match isn’t ‘good’ for me. You know Bucky, it seems like the only thing you can do is shut me out. Or shut the door in my face _while_ shutting me out, which is ironic in ways that hurt like a bitch. So, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to disregard your invitation to stay.”

“Darcy, please.” Bucky raked a hand through is hair. “I’m not… _fuck_. I don't know what I'm doing.”

“Neither do I,” she replied. “And what sucks more is that I want to stay here with you even though I know it's a bad idea. I want to fix whatever it is you need fixed. This soulmate situation is a real fucker, isn’t it? You can’t stand the sight of me, and I can’t help how I feel about you despite that.”

“That’s not true.”

She snorted. “Which part? Because all of it seems true from where I’m standing.”

“It’s not true that I can’t stand the sight of you.” His jaw clenched, muscle twitching as he held back all the things he wanted so badly to say.

“Well, you could have fooled me and everyone else. Do you know the kind of pitying looks I’ve been getting the past couple of weeks? Do you know what it’s like to be forced into close quarters with a person that your whole body is desperate to be near, and you can’t be near them?”

Bucky looked at her for several long moments, and then quietly said, “Yes.”

“Then why won’t you???” she exploded. “Why won’t you just let us be together? If you know. If you feel the way I do, why are you hurting us both?”

“I want to. I want it all the damn time, Darcy. The same way you do. But I just… I just…” 

“Can’t,” she finished for him. “I think we covered that already, thanks.”

He took a deep breath, trying to steady the burning urge to stride across the room, and grab her, and make things right. It was one of the hardest things he’d ever done. She watched silently from her spot in the doorway.

“What I’m doing, I’m doing to protect you,” he finally said. “I’m keeping you safe.”

“From what?” When he didn’t answer immediately she asked again. “From what, Bucky?”

“If I told you, you’d hate me,” he replied, “and I don’t think I could bear that.”

“That’s impossible. You’re my soulmate. How could I hate you? And how is anything you could possibly have to tell me worse than what you’re doing to us right now?”

“You don’t know what it is. There’s no way you’d accept me if you knew.”

Darcy licked her lips, eyes fixed on his face. “Try me.”

“No.”

“Seriously. You know nothing about me or what I can handle. Try me.”

For just a moment, he thought maybe he could. The truth was there, ready to be spoken, but Bucky pushed it back down, and shook his head, refusing to meet her gaze. “No. I’m sorry, Darcy. It’s just better this way.”

“So that’s it, then? Great. I’m going back to my room. Thanks for this little talk. It really helped clear things up for me.”

She went. Bucky didn’t see her leave. He couldn’t bring himself to watch. Mostly because he knew that he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from following her, which would only complicate things further. 

Instead he stayed in the unlit common room, glass of scotch still clutched tightly in his hand, until he was sure she was back in her room. It was then that he finally gave into the frantic compulsion to escape that had been building inside him all night. He went straight from the common room to a side door in a lonely hallway few knew about, and from there into the moonlit night. 

Phasing was a relief. He left his clothes in a pile just inside the treeline, and let the change overtake him. Bucky always figured it should have hurt, his flesh and bones reconfiguring the way they did - but it didn’t. It just felt like freedom. His prosthetic reconfigured as well, plates clicking into place one by one, lengthening on some places, shortening in others, until it matched the organic one perfectly. Once it was over, he paced briefly in the sheltered area, shaking off the final mental vestiges of his human body. Then he broke free of the trees and ran.

***********************************************************************

Back in her bedroom, Darcy knew the exact moment Bucky removed his ring. The sudden disappearance of his heartbeat left her with an empty ache so strong that it almost doubled her over. She closed her eyes, trying to pull herself together. When she opened them again, it was to a sight outside her window that left her wondering, one hand pressed against the cool glass.

At first she wasn’t sure what she was seeing. A dog, she thought, but then she realized it was too big, too rangy. Not a dog, but a wolf streaking along the edge of the woods, darting in and out of the trees as if its very life depended on running. There was something about it, though. Something...off. Darcy squinted, trying to focus on the fast-moving blur in the dark. She caught a bright flash of silver as it turned, and then it was gone, lost to the shadowy forest hedging in the property. All it left behind were some barely discernible tracks in the snow.

She didn’t sleep for hours after that, and when she did, her dreams were full of wolves and woods. It was nearly noon when she finally woke up. The sheets were so tangled around her legs that they were nearly in knots, but Darcy hardly noticed. What she did notice was that on her finger her ring was pulsing with Bucky’s heartbeat once more.


	5. Dreams, Schemes, and Hacktivation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peggy has one or two things to say to Bucky (none of which he wants to hear), and Darcy starts to put the pieces together. She also needs a nap. It's just been one of those days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're inching forward here, guys. I'd apologize for the slow burn, but I'm not exactly sorry. I live for slow burn. So. Yep. If it's any consolation, once things start to move, they are going to MOVE. I just have to set up a little plot first so that everything makes sense later. <3 Thank you so much to the lovely and amazing Amidtheflowers, who beta'd the stuffing out of this for me. She's the best, and I heart her forever.
> 
> ******************************************************************************

Bucky had been closeted in the facility gym since slipping back inside through the side door at dawn. It was his way of avoiding the things he didn’t want to deal with, namely anything that had to do with Darcy and the conversation they’d had the night before. The effort was pointless. No matter how many times he slammed his fist into the punching bag, she was there in the forefront of his mind. Nothing got her out. 

He knew this, since he’d traded the punching bag for the weight bench some twenty minutes since. Sweat dripped down his forehead as he mentally counted out the repetitions each time he pushed up on the weight bar. Even that hadn’t stopped him thinking about her. He might as well have just gone to sleep. Except he knew then he’d probably just dream about her. So yeah, sleeping was out of the question. Luckily, he didn’t need a lot of it.

“You do realize that you are making a monumental mistake, don’t you?”

Bucky sat up at the sound of Peggy’s voice cutting across the previously silent gym. He grabbed a towel, swiping it across his forehead and shrugged. “All due respect, Peggy, I don’t see how that’s your business.”

“No, I’m sure you don’t.” Her lips pressed together in a thin line. 

“Then you’ll understand why I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Has it occurred to you that talking through it with someone who understands might help?”

He snorted. “Has it occurred to you that I’m not interested in your opinion on what might help? What’s with the sudden interest in my love life anyway?”

“Don’t you mean absolute lack of a love life? Despite the fact that you could have one?” Peggy’s brows drew together in a pained frown. “It makes no sense to me why you would do this. I’m just trying to sort through it, and understand.”

“Again, why do you care? Isn’t getting involved in whether I settle down with a soulmate or not a little beneath your pay grade as Director of Shield?”

“Perhaps. Except that I’m more than your superior, James, I’m also your friend,” she replied, tone gentling. “Is this really what you want? To cut yourself off from something that could be so very good for you? To make both you and Darcy miserable? I know you phased last night, days earlier than you should have. That alone should tell you something is wrong.”

“I just needed to get out,” he lied. “Skin was feeling itchy.”

“You forget that I am fully aware of what phasing early means.”

“No, I didn’t forget. How could I? It’s my fault that you know. I did this to you, Peggy. There’s no way I’m going to ruin Darcy’s life the way I ruined yours, so if you’ll excuse me…” Bucky pushed up off the weight bench, reaching behind it grab the duffel bag he’d brought along with him. “...I think this conversation has gone on long enough.”

“And I say it hasn’t.” She stepped to the side, effectively blocking the exit. “You are working under a severe misapprehension if you still believe you ruined my life, James.”

“How can you say that? I remember that night.”

“As do I. I also remember every night since. You didn’t ruin my life, you gave me something precious. I’m here. Steve is here. Because of you, we still have each other. How do you not see that?”

“You make it sound like there weren’t other options,” he said.

“That’s because for me, there weren’t,” Peggy replied. “You always seem to forget I wasn’t a candidate for the serum, and even if I had been, the version of it Steve was given was lost when Erskine died. Had you not done what you did, I would very likely be dead by now.”

“Are you really comparing what I did to being given a simple injection?”

“I was there when Steve was given the serum. It was quite a bit more than a ‘simple injection’, and you are well aware of that.”

“Peggy, you nearly died that night.”

“But I didn’t. Furthermore, you weren’t in control of yourself. It was your first phase. You had no idea what was going on when it happened. It must have been terrifying for you to have no help or explanation, to go through that alone. I never blamed you. Neither did Steve. You need to let this go, James. For your own sake...and for Darcy’s.”

“What I’m doing is for her sake,” Bucky said.

“Oh, I see. So you being a cowardly idiot is for her benefit then, is it? She must derive so much comfort from that fact.”

“I’m not…” he began.

“You _are_ ,” Peggy interjected. “James, stop thinking that I don’t understand what it feels like to be what we are, and what it feels like to show that part of us to another person. To someone we care about. To a soulmate. You aren’t as alone as you like to think. Not with that.”

Bucky shook his head. “It’s not the same.”

“You’re wrong,” she said, the words clipped and angry. “You are so very wrong if you think that it was anything less than desperately hard for me to allow Steve into that part of my life. The only difference between you and me, is that I had the courage, and the faith in my soulmate, to trust that it wouldn’t change how he felt. Something you don’t seem to be able to do with Darcy. Frankly, if I were her, I’d be insulted.”

“You and Steve had already met and bonded before I did what I did to you,” he declared stubbornly.

“God help me, you are worse than Steve. Was everyone in Brooklyn born this bloody pigheaded? Also, it’s been seventy-odd years, James. At what point are you going to stop skirting around the word ‘werewolf’? Because that’s what we both are. Perhaps the real problem here is despite the fact that neither of us asked for it, I’ve accepted what I am, and you haven’t. No wonder you think Darcy can’t.”

“She shouldn’t have to!” Bucky responded, finally losing his temper. 

“Why don’t you let her be the judge of that?” Peggy asked.

Bucky knew why. He knew why, and it was eating him alive. “I don’t want to see her suffering,” he said. 

She nodded. “I thought that might be the other part of it. It’s a bit late for that now, don’t you think? I saw her this morning down in Dr. Foster’s laboratory. The poor girl looked as if she hadn’t slept in days. The damage has been done, James. It’s clear you aren’t handling it well either. Phasing early, hiding in your rooms, barely eating, and you can’t tell me that you aren’t having the dreams. You look like you’ve gotten about as much sleep as Darcy has.”

He glanced at her, startled. “You know about the dreams?”

“I’ve had them,” Peggy admitted. “When Steve and I were first separated. Initially I thought it was just something that happened between soulmates. You know how very little things like that were discussed back then, especially amongst women. I’ve done some research into the phenomenon since then. It would seem they are specific to our particular enhanced biology. They go hand in hand with the deeper soulmate bond we have, and all that.”

Something about that seemed off to Bucky. He frowned trying to bring to mind what it was. After a moment, he realized what it was. Darcy said she’d been having dreams as well when he ran into her in the common room. Why would she have them if they were part of his wolf biology?

“Did Steve have them too?” he asked Peggy. “The uh...the dreams?”

“Yes,” she told him, “but we know now that the serum he was given was a derivative of werewolf DNA. A highly refined version to be sure, but the origins are the same as what runs in my blood and yours. Why do you ask?”

“Darcy said she something about dreams.”

“You spoke to Darcy about this?” Peggy’s brows rose in surprise. “When?”

“Last night.”

“I didn’t know you two had been speaking.”

“It wasn’t intentional,” Bucky replied. “Neither of us could sleep, and we both ended up in the common room. She said she was there because some dream had woken her up. That she’d been having them.” 

“And you were there because of dreams also?”

He swallowed, remembering the dream that had chased him out of his own rooms. “Yes.”

“Curious. Did she describe the dreams?”

“I didn’t ask.”

“So you don’t know if they were…” 

“No,” he said, before she could finish. “She looked shook up, though.”

“Is that how we’re describing it these days? Shook up?” Peggy flashed him an amused look. “I recall the type of dreams I had while Steve was away. ‘Shook up’ isn’t exactly the phrase I’d use to describe my reaction to them. I very nearly followed after him into the Arctic once or twice.” She paused, appearing deep in thought for a few moments. “It may not be fair to assume Darcy is having the same dreams you are, though. Perhaps it was a coincidence. I can only imagine that being pushed away by her soulmate has been difficult for her. Could it have been a nightmare?”

“She didn’t say,” Bucky replied. “And like I said, I didn’t ask. I wasn’t exactly thinking straight at the time. It uh...it didn’t seem like a nightmare. Not to me, anyway.”

“Hmm,” Peggy hummed thoughtfully. “This is something to consider. I think it may warrant a closer look into Darcy’s antecedents.”

It took him a moment to sift through Peggy’s words, and then Bucky’s eyes widened. “You think she’s like us? She can’t be. I’d know. _You_ would know.”

It was true. One of the enhanced senses that came with being a werewolf was the ability to recognize the trait in others. He got none of that from Darcy. She was as human as could be.

“It may be in her ancestry, though. A recessive gene, perhaps? Then again, we have no way of knowing if your dreams were connected. They very well may not be. Regardless, I’m going to look into it.” 

“I don’t like the idea of you riffling through her life like that,” Bucky said. “She doesn’t deserve to be the target of gossip from a bunch of secretaries upstairs.”

“Come now, you know me. I’m the very soul of discretion. I am, in fact, in the driver’s seat of a top secret organization,” Peggy assured him. “I’ll do the research on my own, and no else will be the wiser. I promise you.”

“No.”

“You really don’t want to know?”

Oh he did. His mind was spinning with the need to know more, but not if it meant going behind Darcy’s back, and ripping her privacy to shreds. “No. I don’t. Not like that.”

“Fine,” Peggy said a bit reluctantly. “James, may I ask you something?”

Bucky knew what was coming. The compassion in Peggy’s voice was a dead giveaway of where her mind was headed. “Depends on what it is.”

“Now how could I possibly answer that, without just asking the question?” Peggy said. “Honestly, a simple yes or no will do.”

He exhaled heavily. “Ask.”

“It’s just that you obviously care for Darcy, or you wouldn’t be fighting this so hard. You’re drawn to her, the way she’s drawn to you. I realize you think you are being some sort of white knight here, rescuing her from whatever self-imposed prison you’ve put yourself in, but have you stopped to think that she doesn’t need you to rescue her? That what you really need to do is open the door to the cell in your mind, and walk free? I don’t doubt that she’d be on the other side, just waiting for you. She’s your soulmate, James. The two of you will be forever intertwined now that you’ve found each other. You have a chance at something immensely precious here. I’d hate to see you throw it away, because you can’t get past your own self-hatred, and doubt.” Peggy touched him gently on the shoulder. “Please, just think about it. My concern comes from a place of friendship, and care. You know that. You’ve been through so much. I’d like to see you happy at last.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, steeling himself for his reply. “I appreciate your concern, Peggy, but what if I do all that, and she’s not waiting for me? What then?” 

“And what if she was?”

She watched him thoughtfully, waiting for an answer while Bucky wished she had asked him anything else. Peggy was getting dangerously close to something that he had been trying to avoid thinking about since the first moment he saw Darcy, and his heart leapt at the sight of her.

He wasn’t human anymore, not fully...but she was. And humans had a very limited lifespan compared to the one he now had. He would outlive her. That much was certain, and if he completed the soulmate bond with her, the living without her might very well destroy him.

“Let me ask you this, Peggy. If you weren’t what you are, or if Steve wasn’t what he is, would you have been able to live without him? Almost a hundred years so far, Peggy. Who knows how long we’ve got. Imagine living them without your soulmate. Imagine watching him die, and there being nothing you can do about it.”

She turned her gaze on him, voice suddenly losing a bit of its composure, but none of its steel. “You forget, I did. And if that’s what you’re worried about - you spending the rest of your life without her - there are options which could give you more time together, James. Bruce has been working on isolating certain alleles in Steve’s blood for this very reason, and we both know that Thor has access to ways and means beyond our reach here on Earth. He and Darcy are friends. I’m sure he’d be open to assisting her, if that is what she wished. It would open up a world of possibilities for the two of you. Her lifespan would be extended to match yours, she could bear your children if that was something you both wanted.”

Bucky felt his blood begin to boil with each word she spoke until it spilled over in words. “That’s your answer? Take away what makes her human so that she’ll make a better ‘mate’ for me? Christ, Peggy, what kind of option is that?” 

“A smart one. One that allows you both to be happy.”

“What would make me happy, is if you left me alone, and stopped trying to make this happen. It’s not going to happen. Not like that. Not if I can help it.” Before she could reply, he shoved past her and through the door, letting it bang shut behind him.

**************************************************************************

Darcy was staring at the screen in front of her in frustration. Googling ‘wolves in upstate New York’ wasn’t garnering the results she wanted. She tried a few other searches, but came up with the same vague answers. Maybe there were wolves. Maybe there weren’t. Nobody seemed to know definitely.

What Darcy _did_ know, was that Jane had an entire folder full of encrypted files that required a password, and that password wasn’t the one Jane usually used. Probably they were about Asgard or something, some kind of security protocols left over from the revolving door of interns that came after Darcy. She’d have to ask Jane about it when she got done looking up stuff on wolves. 

Speaking of that, Darcy wondered if she should try coyotes instead. Her fingers clicked across the keyboard, starting to type a new search into the box. As the results came up she yawned, hand covering her mouth. The good news was that there were coyotes in the area, the bad news was that they looked nothing like the animal she’d seen outside her window. Apparently it was back to the drawing board. 

She stared absently at the monitor, wondering what to look up next. Dogs that looked like wolves? Wolves that escaped from local zoos? If people could hallucinate large, shaggy, wolf-like creatures when their soulmates were being jerks?

“Darcy. Darcy! DARCY!”

“Hmm? What?” Darcy glanced up to find Jane’s annoyed face peering down at her over the top of her monitor.

“Oh nothing,” Jane replied. “I’ve only been asking you know where the Arachnobot blueprints are for the past five minutes.” 

“Sorry, sorry,” Darcy mumbled, shuffling the papers next to her around until she located them, and held them up for Jane apologetically. “Here.”

Jane took the notes without even looking at them, and plopped into the chair beside Darcy with a frown of concern. “Hey, are you okay? You have huge circles under your eyes. How did I miss those when you came in here earlier?”

“You were screwing Arachnobot’s head back on,” Darcy replied. “Good job, by the way. He looks almost as horrific as I remember, so yaaaay.” She waved her hands in mock excitement.

“Yeah, I’m not really worried about him right now. I’m worried about you. When did you sleep last?”

“Excuse you, but those are my words, what are they doing coming out of your mouth? Oh my god, are we in some kind of Freaky Friday situation right now?” Darcy looked down at herself as if to check that she was in the right body. “Nope. Those are definitely my boobs. I’d recognize them anywhere.

Jane snorted. “Darcy, I’m serious. You look like you pulled a week of all-nighters, and trust me, I would know all about what that looks like.”

“Yes, I know. I’m the one who had to prop you up and get you coffee, and fight with you about getting enough sleep. Hence my bodyswap movie reference. Are you even paying attention?”

“If I wasn’t paying attention, would I have noticed that you are turning into a raccoon?”

“I’m not turning into a racoon,” Darcy insisted. “I’m fine, Jane. Really. It was just one weird night.”

“What kind of weird night?”

“ _Weird_ , weird. Like the kind of night where you have super crazy sex dreams about your soulmate, then run into said soulmate in the common room by accident, and have the world’s most uncomfortable conversation. He still hates me by the way. Just in case you were wondering. He hates me.”

“Wait.” Jane pulled her chair closer. “You ran into Bucky in the common room last night?”

“That’s what I said,” Darcy replied. “I also said he still hates me. It’s super fun having your soulmate hate you for no apparent reason, let me tell ya. You and Thor should try it.”

“No thanks. So, what did you talk about?”

“I don’t even know. It was like the whole conversation was scripted by two people who don’t know how to do words, in separate rooms, and then glued together.”

“That sounds unproductive.”

Darcy rolled her eyes. “Oh believe me. It was. He wants me, but he doesn’t want to want me. Etcetera, etcetera. You know the drill.”

“He wants you, but doesn’t want to want you? Did he say why?” Jane asked, and Darcy once again got the feeling that Jane knew more than she was letting on. 

“Nope. It’s a deep dark secret, apparently. So, I decided to go back to bed instead of talking in circles with him. Speaking of that, we’ve now come to the other weird part of my very weird night. I think I saw a wolf running around in the snow. Do you know if wolves are indigenous to this area? I’ve been trying to check online, but I can’t find anything conclusive.”

The moment Darcy brought up wolves, Jane’s entire demeanor changed. She went from sympathetic, to shuffling the Arachnobot blueprints like they were her sole focus in life.

“I, um...wolves? What, like here?”

“Yes. Wolves. Here. You know, in the woods around the building?” Darcy gestured at the window, and the woods beyond it.

“I don’t know. I mean, it’s not really my field of expertise. I’m more a space girl than a living things girl, not to say there aren’t living things in space. Obviously, you know, because Thor is from another planet, and there’s so much we don’t know yet about what is out there. What I’m trying to say is that it would be presumptuous, and...and… _wrong_ to say there isn’t life on other planets. I’m just not involved of the study of life on this particular planet. That planet being Earth, um, but I’m sure you knew that.” Jane paused in her ‘dammit, Darcy, I’m an astrophysicist, not a zoologist’ speech, cleared her throat, and smiled brightly. “Anyway, why do you ask?”

It was very fucking suspicious behavior indeed, and Darcy wasn’t buying it. Jane knew. She _knew_ , and she was hiding something. For a person with multiple degrees, Jane had no skills at lying. However, now her guard was up. Getting to the bottom of all of her wolf-related babbling was going to be a delicate operation. Normally Darcy would have been up to the task, but she was so damn tired. It would have to wait. 

She needed a nap. A nap, and then she could get back to figuring out what was up with wolves and Barnes, and why Jane was being so evasive about both. Something flitted through Darcy’s brain. It moved too fast for her to catch it. Just the barest edge of a glimpse of _something_.

Her forehead furrowed as she tried to force her exhausted brain into connecting the dots. Wolves and Barnes. Barnes and Wolves. Wolves and…

The thought was back. A little brighter, a little louder, a little bit like she was a crazy person, because what the thought was saying couldn’t possibly be true. Darcy shook her head. Definitely not true, completely implausible. 

_So are vikings from space,_ the thought said, _and look how that turned out._

Darcy told the thought to shut its face, and it subsided into silence, but the idea remained. Maybe she’d been googling all the wrong things. Maybe the wolves indigenous to the area were also indigenous to the Avengers. Maybe…maybe she needed to break into Jane’s encrypted files, because she obviously knew something she wasn’t telling about all this.

It would be wrong. 

Yeah. Darcy didn’t care. She was hacking into them. Remotely, though. Not here where Jane could see her.

“Engage hacktivation,” she said softly. 

“Engage what?” Jane asked, looking a bit alarmed.

“Nothing,” Darcy replied. She abruptly stood, nearly knocking into Jane. “Hey, you know what? You’re right. I need some sleep. So I’m gonna go do that. Will you be okay here?”

Jane’s eyes widened. “Yeah. I’ll be fine. Darce? Is something up? You were just talking about wolves, and then you sort of went blank, and now you’re rushing off for a nap. I’m not saying you shouldn’t nap. I definitely think you should. You look exhausted. I’m just a little worried.”

“It’s nothing,” Darcy lied. “I don’t even know why I brought up the wolf thing. It was probably just a dog and I turned it into something else because I’m worn out from the whole Bucky not wanting to act like a soulmate thing. I’m sure my brain was playing tricks on me. I’ll be good after I get some sleep.”

“You know if you want to talk…”

“I don’t,” she said. “Not right now, anyway.”

“Right. Okay.” Jane got up as well, clutching the blueprints to her chest. “Why don’t you take the rest of the day, and we’ll get back to Arachnobot tomorrow. Call me if you need me.”

“You got it,” Darcy said, shooting her a pair of finger guns. “Don’t forget to eat. Nobody likes a hypoglycemic astrophysicist. Get out of the office, locate sustenance, you know the drill.”

“Darcy, I eat.”

“You also lie like a rug,” she called back over her shoulder as she exited the room. “Get your ass to the cafeteria, Jane. See you and the creepiest bot on Earth tomorrow.”

Jane said something else, but Darcy didn’t catch it. Mentally she was already booting up her laptop, and cracking Jane’s files. Then she was going to take a nap. A long one. One where she was not going to dream about Bucky. Goals, Darcy thought. It was good to have them.


End file.
